February 25, 2010

Today has been a pretty good day overall. This evening has been hard though. I have been trying to get my work done and work on payroll and the kids keep coming in wanting my attention. Understandably so. I feel so all alone. This is when Zane would be home later tonight and I would have time to get my work done and then we would cuddle and the stresses of my day would melt away while I was safe in his arms. He is no longer here and I am all alone with our children. Left to pick up the pieces and figure things out. It is scary and sad and so many emotions all at once. I find comfort and strength in God. That is the only way I am getting through this pain. There are just times like tonight when I miss Zane so much and need him to comfort me like he has these past 14 years. I don't have that anymore. I am just trying to figure out how to deal with life now that he is no longer here with me. I am so lonely for him. My heart just aches for him. It just amazes me how life goes right on. Yet it does.....